


The Guide to Understanding Peter Parker

by AuroraLights (CrownPrincessMoon)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Civil War Fix-It, Crushes, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, High School, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Life Lessons, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Superheroes, Teenagers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is Bae, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-01-06 16:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12214257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrownPrincessMoon/pseuds/AuroraLights
Summary: "Understanding that kid is like trying to understand you, Mr. Stark. It's impossible."Tony didn't know whether to be flattered or offended.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely loved Spider-Man Homecoming!!  
> It was like the best Marvel movie ever! I also loved Tony Stark because he is the best Marvel _character_ ever (Besides Peter, of course!).  
>  I really liked the father-son relationship they had so I decided to write this!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy !

Tony has learned many things about Peter since that fateful day he recruited him for Germany.

Admittedly, not the _best_ idea he's had—involving a 14-year-old in international affairs—but, hey, he wasn't thinking clearly that day.  
(No one was.)

Some things Tony already knew.  
Like...

1\. The kid was a superhuman. Mutant. Hybrid. Whatever the hell individuals like him were called—people like him just _didn't_ occur in the natural world without some kind of nuclear explosion or, in Peter's case, a radioactive spider bite.

2\. He was young. Really young. 14-years-old, as he mentioned earlier. And like he's also said before, probably _not_ his best idea.

3\. Lastly, the kid looked up to him. Like _for-real-deal_ hero worship and junk. Why anyone would want to look up to Tony, he had no idea. He was screwed up like 96 percent of the time. The other 4 percent was sleep deprived. 

And then there are things he learned _after_ becoming Peter's mentor because, apparently, giving a teenager a multi-million dollar suit was part of some kind of claiming ritual that legally and mentally bound you to the kid. 

It was the only reason Tony could come up with for why he had a heart attack every time he saw Peter fighting someone who didn't fit into his job description as a “ _neighborhood-friendly Spider-Man._ ” 

Long story short: he was stuck with the kid.

1\. Peter had a self-destructive streak large enough to rival _he-who-must-not-be-named_ (AKA Steve). Seriously. For once Tony would like Peter to come see him and _not_ say he had been hit by a bus. Or train. Or spaceship. (Okay, that last one hasn't actually happened...yet.)

2\. The kid was smart. And yeah, Stark had gotten an inkling of that when they first met, but he hadn't realized he was _able-to-understand-the-complex-ramblings-of-Tony-Stark_ smart. They really weren't kidding around in that bona fide nerd school of his: Midtown School of Science and Technology.

3\. Peter could talk. Like, _really_ talk. Tony once recorded the amount of time Peter could talk without taking a breath. It was 2 minutes and 45 seconds, and that was what Tony called a slow day. The kid could talk about anything and everything until even _Tony_ forgot what his original point was.

There were much more little anecdotes about Peter that Tony had acquired; some odd, some confusing, and some just plain _weird_.  
(And although Tony would never admit it out loud, it was those little personality quirks that made the kid all the more endearing and fun to be around.)

But if there's one thing Tony has learned from becoming Peter's mentor it was that he was _terrible_ at keeping secrets.

He means, _absolutely horrible_.

It's really a miracle in itself, that he managed to keep his secret identity under wraps for more than a year now.

Sure there was his guy-in-the-chair (Whatever the hell that's supposed to be) and his Aunt (that phone call had been fun), but Tony much rather preferred two people over two million.

What was he talking about again?  
Oh, yes: Peter.

Peter and his strange inability to tell the truth no matter what the consequences.  
It was because of that very reason that Tony initiated the _Nanny Protocol_ , for lack of a better name.  
It wasn't so much as a technological feature than a _5-Step-Guide to Understanding Peter Parker_.

1\. Ask about his day. (Follow this step at your own risk. The kid may NEVER stop talking.)  
2\. Ask about injuries.  
3\. Check for injuries because Peter was a stubborn, little shit like that.   
4\. Debrief.  
5\. Watch the live-feed for yourself because, once again, Peter was a pathological liar.

So far, the only experts of this practice were himself and Happy who had snorted at the title.

"Understanding that kid is like trying to understand you Mr. Stark. It's impossible."

Tony didn't know whether to be flattered or offended.  
He went with flattered. (He always did.)

When Rhodes had stumbled upon the rough draft of the guide (the one _without_ Peter's name) he chuckled as he leafed through its pages.

"What is this Tony? A Self-Help Guide to Raising Teenagers?" 

"Something like that," he said, swiping his fingers across his StarkPad, "What do you think?"

"I think that you made need to brush up on your parenting skills. You know you can't legally padlock a teen's door with vibranium chains, right?"

‘ _You can if the teen has super strength and is smart enough to pick any lock_ ’, Tony thought to himself.

Out loud he said, "Well, sue me. I had shitty parents, remember? I'm not exactly the paragon of parenting skills."

Rhodes shrugged, tossing the guide onto the coffee table as he sat down.

"I wouldn't say that exactly. Hey, speaking of parenting, how's that new intern of yours doing?"

Tony, who had been taking a long sip of coffee, almost spit it back into his mug.  
When he succeeded in swallowing it, he turned a glare on Rhodey.

"What?" His best friend asked innocently.

"You know what. How in the world does parenting remind you of Peter?"

"He's just young, is all. And you've paid more attention to him than all your former interns. He's lasted a lot longer too."

"Yeah, well" Tony searched for a comeback that wouldn't expose his protégé, "He's young. Smart, too. Dangerous combination."

"You would know," Rhodey smirked.

Tony snapped and pointed at him.

"Exactly why I pay attention to him. I'm making sure the kid doesn't become the next Tony Stark,"

"Two Tony Starks," Rhodey groaned as he stood back up, "God help us all if that happens,"

Tony rolled his eyes and waved his friend away.

After a couple minutes of comfortable silence, F.R.I.D.A.Y's voice sounded overhead.

"Sir, incoming voice transmission from Peter Parker."

Tony sighed.  
"Patch it through, Fri,"

Tony heard Peter before he saw him.  
"No, Karen, I'm fine! Seriously. I've gotten concussions before."

"You've what?" Tony exclaimed because Peter had never mentioned anything of the sort.

"Shit."

"Language," Tony scolded lightly, "When have you gotten a concussion before? Why didn't you tell me about? And why do you have one now?"

He peered through the at his screen, making out what looked to be a garbage dump.

"Where even _are_ you?"

"Those are a lot of questions, Mr. Stark. How about I call you back when I find the answers and–"

"Oh, no you don't," Tony interrupted, fingers flying across his screen, "I'm sending a suit to your location now. You better come back with it."

"Really, Mr. Stark? Do you know how lame it would look to have Spider-Man being carried halfway across New York by Iron Man?"

Tony resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

Peter's voice had always sounded painfully young, but when he whined? 

_God_ , he sounded like a three-year-old.

 

"No, ifs, ands, or buts about it," Tony hummed.

"But Mr. Stark–!"

The inventor swiped the call off his screen and stood up with a grunt. He stretched, back popping in several places.

"Jeez," he muttered, "F.R.I.D.A.Y? Remind me to schedule an appointment with a masseuse or chiropractor or something."

"Yes, sir. Shall I have Dummy set up the medical lab for Peter?"

"Yes, please.Thank you, Fri."

"You are welcome, Sir."

As Tony walked to the elevator, he opened up his revised edition of the _Guide to Understanding Peter Parker_.

6\. Stock up on Aspirin. Seriously, you're going to need it with this kid.


	2. An Itsy-Bitsy Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"...Just be yourself. Isn't that what's all the rage these days?"_   
>  _" Mr. Stark," Peter whined, "Nobody wants that!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expectations: _I'm going to finish all my schoolwork and complete my chores!_  
>  Reality: _Watching Spider-Man: Homecoming interviews with the cast and obsessing over Tom Holland..._
> 
> (Hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for all the kudos and comments!!)

Looking back, Peter really should have seen it coming.

May always told him that he was someone who fell hard and fast—without rhyme or reason.

Liz was an example of that.

Peter couldn't think straight around her. Stammering like the idiot he was and staring at her when he thought she   
wasn't looking.

 

God, he was such a creep.

 

Anyway, it wasn't like he thought he had a chance with her.  
Liz was a senior and he was just...Peter.  
The dorky kid with the friend who played with LEGO's.  
Which was why he was so surprised when Liz agreed to go to homecoming   
with him.

 

_Him._

 

As Peter Parker.  
Not his superhero counterpart, but regular-old Peter.  
And for a while, it was probably the second-best moment in his life.  
(The first being when Mr. Stark let him keep the suit after Germany.)

 

Unfortunately, the universe must have really hated Peter Homecoming night because everything from the past couple weeks seemed to snowball right  
before his eyes.

 

It started when he found out Toomes was Liz's dad and from that moment on, the night was a complete disaster.

Between being trapped underneath a warehouse and almost thrown off a plane multiple times, Peter was sure he had aged 10 years in one night.  
It all worked out for the best, though.

 

Well, _legally_.

 

Personally?

Not so much.

 

Liz probably left thinking that he was the worst person ever and he was.  
Peter's guilt was only doubled by the fact that he was one who ruined her life.  
The one who was making her leave the only place she'd ever known.

And yeah,  
Peter _knows_ that there was no other possible outcome than the one that happened, but still.  
He couldn't help but wonder what he could've done differently.

Peter decides then and there to take a break from romance.  
Besides, he had other things to worry about.  
Between Spider-Man, Academic Decathlon, and May knowing his secret, there should have been no time for him to grow infatuated with another person.

Read: _should_ have been.

The Universe must really, _really_ hate him though because the exact opposite happens.

It starts the day she tells them to call her MJ.

He thought it would take some getting used to.  
There were times when Ned or the other Decathlon members would accidentally say Michelle and she would breezily correct them.   
Peter never made that mistake, though.  
The name shift came easily to him; to the point where he was correcting people with her.

"Hey, Michelle," Ned began, looking over some flashcards.

"MJ." Peter corrected at the same time she did.

MJ looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow at him.

He gave a nervous smile. "Uh, sorry."

"No. It's...fine," she said, "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He replied.

Her piercing gaze lingered on him a second longer before turning her attention to Ned.

Peter went back to his own notes and thought nothing of the seemingly random glances he sent her way.

~

MJ had taken to sitting with Peter and Ned in the cafeteria.

Most of the time she didn't join in on the conversation, nose in a book with an obnoxiously long title.  
When she wasn't reading, she was drawing in her sketchbook. 

 

Today, though, she was reading.  
The next time Peter tells this story, he'll swear that what happened was a complete and utter accident.

He _really_ hadn't meant to stare.

Ned had been rambling on about whether Godzilla or King Kong would win in a fight ( _Totally_ King Kong) and Michelle had let out a snort from behind her book.

 

_Again_ , let Peter remind you that he hadn't intended to stare at her.  
The sound—and the fact that she appeared to be _actually_ listening to them—was just enough to make him glance over at her.

The fact that his gaze lingered was _purely_ coincidental.

 

It wasn't his fault that his brain decided to notice then and there that her eyebrows were perfectly symmetrical.  
Or how long her lashes were.  
Or how smooth her sk–

MJ suddenly lowered her book.

"What?" She asked.

"What?" Peter replied, startled by her sudden movement.

"You're staring."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"You kinda were, dude." Ned cut in, putting in his own two cents.

"Wha–? No, I wasn't," he looked back at MJ, "I wasn't."

" _Right_ ," she drawled, "You just happened to be staring in my general direction. Unblinkingly."

"Well, when you put it like that you make me sound like a creep." He joked, lightly.

The corner of her lips twitched as she raised her book back up.

"Okay, then." She finally said from behind the pages.

Peter exchanged confused looks with Ned.

" _Okay_ , then," Ned said slowly, "Like I was saying, Godzilla would totally win because..."

Peter listened intently until his senses began to tingle slightly.

He looked up and found MJ staring directly at him.

"What?" He asked, hands going up to his face.

"Nothing," she said, "Just staring in your general direction unblinkingly."

Her eyes sparkled as she spoke and Peter found himself wishing that it happened more often.

"Did you know that you look a middle schooler?" She suddenly asked, "I mean, I've never noticed it until now, but _dude_."

"Ha, ha," he said.

She shrugged and turned to Ned.  
"By the way, King Kong would totally win."

Peter laughed as his friend choked on his sandwich, meeting MJ's gaze briefly.

She rolled her eyes, a slight quirk to her lips.

~

"What is the atomic number of Vanadium?

"Uhh, 96?"

"Wrong. Peter?"

"23."

"Correct."

Flash scowled at Peter before kicking his seat 

"That's not fair. You're purposely asking questions only Parker knows."

"Okay, then," MJ said, looking up from the flashcards, "Tell me Flash, how much hot air does it take to fill a blimp?"

The other Decathlon members laughed as Flash flushed angrily.

"Well?" MJ pressed, raising one symmetrically perfect eyebrow.

"Pass." He spat.

"Okay, then," she hummed, "Peter?"

"65,000 cubic feet of hot air." He answered, not bothering to hide his smile at Flash's obvious annoyance.

"Correct again," MJ smirked at him, "Nice going, Parker."

Peter felt flush from the unexpected praise and smiled shyly, blaming the strange flutters in his stomach on the rarity of MJ's compliments.

"Thanks."

She nodded and went back to sifting through the cards.

~

See what he means?

Peter should have seen it coming.

Should have had a strong enough grip on his emotions to know he was digging himself back into the ditch he had just crawled out of.

May had noticed.

After a study session with MJ and Ned at his apartment, she had spoken to him in the kitchen.

"So," She had begun, "That was MJ. The new Decathlon captain."

"Yep." He replied, thinking nothing of the affected airiness to her voice—almost like she was trying too hard to sound casual.

"She's nice."

"That's...one way to describe her," Peter chuckled, "Not exactly the first word that comes to mind when I think of her."

" _Oh_? Then what does come to mind?"

"Uhh," He tapped his pencil on the kitchen table as he thought, "Strong. Independent. Outspoken. _Very_ outspoken."

May laughed lightly.

"She's, um, smart. _Really_ smart. And sarcastic—but a good kind of sarcastic, you know?"

"Uh, huh," May replied, eyes sparkling behind her glasses as she regarded her nephew.

"She's—she's great," Peter concluded, unaware of the soft smile that had slipped onto his lips as he spoke.

"Sounds like you like her," May said.

"Well, yeah. She's my friend."

"Sounds like you like her as a little more than a friend." May amended as she sat in the chair next to him.

"Wha–? _MJ?!_ " Peter spluttered, " _No, no, no_! I don't like her like that!"

"You sure about that?"

" _Totally_! She is _just_ a friend."

His aunt studied him intently before smirking.

"Okay." May hummed, "Whatever you say."

Peter frowned her.   
It wasn't at all like her to just drop a subject like that.

"Aunt May," he enunciated slowly, "I need you to understand that I do not like MJ."

"I believe you, Pete." She replied, eyes sparkling in a way that clearly stated that she, in fact, _did not_ believe him.

"I'm serious," Peter said, standing up from the kitchen table, "I'm way too busy to be thinking about that kind of stuff."

"Yes, the schedule of a 15-year-old must be very pressing."

May winked at him and he blushed.

"It's true! Between homework, and exams and Decathlon, I barely have time to hang out with Ned. Not to mention Spider-Man."

That did it.

May's smile dropped so fast it was almost comical.

Almost.

As usual, the mention of his alter-ego soured the teasing mood in the air and Peter was forced to endure another hour-long lecture about how, " _it was dangerous_ ,” and, " _no job for a kid_."

Not to mention his favorite, " _I am going to kill Tony Stark_."

At least by the time she sent him to his room, their discussion concerning his " _crush_ " on MJ, of all people, was long forgotten.

Unfortunately, May wasn't the only one who has this crazy idea in her head.

Ned did too.

"Peter? Peter, are you even listening to me?"

Peter snapped out of his haze and turned to face his best friend.

"Yeah, um, no. Sorry."

Ned rolled his eyes, though it was more out of fond exasperation than anything.

"Dude, just ask her out already!"

Peter's brows furrowed.

" _Who_?”

"MJ, you idiot."

Peter open and closed his mouth before replying.

"Dude, I don't like MJ."

" _Yeah_ , you do. You were staring at her for like 20 minutes. I'm starting to see why girls think it's creepy."

"I–I wasn't staring at her." Peter denied, laughing lightly.

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes, you were."

"No, I wasn't-"

"What are you two dorks doing?"

Peter and Ned looked up from their assignment to find MJ standing in front of their lab station, wearing a lab coat.

"Nothing." They replied simultaneously.

She snorted.

"You guys are weird. Here you go."

She tossed Ned a pair of goggles and handed Peter his own.

Their fingers blushed lightly, setting Peter's face aflame.

He mumbled a thank you and she walked away without a word.

"See?" Ned asked and nudged him lightly, "You like her. And I'm pretty sure she likes you too."

Peter scoffed. "You're crazy. Now can we please just focus on the lab?"

Ned sighed but didn't mention the conversation the rest of the class period.

Heck, even _Happy_ was getting in on it.

"That your girlfriend?" He asked as Peter stepped into the car.

"MJ? No, she's just a friend."

"You sure about that?"

"Umm, yes?"

"Sure." Happy said, drawing out the word in a way that made Peter groan.

"Not you too! For the last time, I don't like MJ. She. Is. Just. A. Friend."

Happy gave a dry chuckle.

"Kind of hard to believe you when you're redder than one of the boss's suits."

Peter sank low in his seat, burying his head in one of his textbooks.

~

Really, it wasn't until a night on patrol as Spider-Man that Peter finally began to piece together what everyone was saying and what he was feeling.

He had been attempting a one-handed handstand on a telephone line when his enhanced hearing picked up a woman's scream.

Peter immediately swung into action, soaring over clothing lines and buildings until he ended up in an ally.

The woman at the end of it was clutching her bag close to her, as a man approached her as with a switchblade.

"Wow!" He said, causing the man to whip towards him in shock.

"This is... extremely cliché."

The man made a confused sound.

"I mean, come on. Haven't you seen the news lately? It's all about the alien tech and sentient robots. And yet you're here...robbing a woman...in an alley. How pathetic can you get?"

The man flushed angrily.

"I mean, really. I want to know!"

The supposed-to-be mugger charged with his knife.

"Here we go again." Peter sighed as he dodged each of the man's strikes. 

Finally, he just webbed him up against the alley wall.

"You okay?" He asked the woman.  
She nodded, messy brown hair obscuring her face.

"Y-yeah."

"Good. You got a pen and paper I could use?"

The woman nodded and pulled out a piece of sketchbook paper and a pen.

Peter quickly scrawled the reason for the man's current...condition and stuck it onto his chest.

Despite being obviously beaten, the man continued to thrash and curse.

"Come on now," Peter chided like a parent, "Don't be a sore loser. I won fair and square, so be quiet."

When the man refused to do so, Peter began to consider webbing his mouth shut.

While he was thinking about the best course of action to do so, the woman suddenly approached the mugger.  
Without so much as a warning, the woman punched the man in the face.

Hard.

" _Damn it_!" The woman cursed as she shook out her hand.

The man's head slumped, unconscious.

"Well, that's one way to shut someone up," Peter muttered.

The woman gave a breathless laugh as she shook out her hand.

"Yeah."

"Hey, let me see that." He said, gesturing towards her hand.

"It's fine," she said, shouldering her backpack.

"Still," he insisted, "It might be broken."

The girl sighed, reaching up to push back her hair with her opposite hand, and finally revealing her face.

A very familiar face.

"So, you gonna check my hand or what?" MJ asked, rolling her eyes.

"Uhh, yeah, yeah," He took her hand in his, "Karen?"

His AI's voice came online.

"Detecting a bruised knuckles and sprained wrist. RICE procedure recommended. Proceed with web wrapping to keep from swelling."

"What's your name, by the way?" He asked, pitching his voice a little lower as he worked on wrapping her wrist.

"Michelle," she answered after a long moment of silence.

"Spider-Man." He replied.

"So, I've heard." she tilted her head at him, "What's up with your voice?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, finishing the final touches of the makeshift wrap.

"You gotta cold or something?" She continued.

"No. This is how I normally talk."

"No, it's not. I met you in D.C., remember?"

"Of course," he said, forgetting to disguise his voice, "I remember all the people I help."

"How admirable," she drawled as she pulled her head away to study the webbing.

Peter ignored the disappointment he felt when her warmth left his.

"Yeah. Are you going to be okay getting home?"

"Yeah. Thanks for the help, Spidey."

"You sure? I can escort you or–"

"Seriously." MJ interrupted, "I can make it home myself. Or does Spider-Man not think women are able to protect themselves?"

Peter felt himself turn beet-red under the mask.

"No, no, no, no! I don't think that at all! I'm just worried–I mean, I'm not worried about you. I just–"

"Calm down, Spider-Man," MJ said, rolling her eyes, "I'm just kidding. You know, you remind me a lot of a friend of mine."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah. You're both weirdos."

"Oh."

MJ scraped her shoes against the concrete as an uncomfortable expression crossed her face.

"But...you're also really cool guys...so, yeah."

Before Peter could find a response to that, MJ turned on her heels and walked out of the alley.

"Huh," Peter said to himself.

He shot a web and swung out of the alley, running across rooftops and swinging from building antennas’ as he followed MJ across the streets.

"Peter?" Karen said.

"Yeah, Kare?"

"Isn't what you are doing considered what people call, 'stalking'?"

"What? No! I'm just...making sure MJ gets home safely."

He balanced on a glass roof of a building and watched as MJ entered an apartment and closed the door behind her.

"Peter?"

"Yeah, Karen?"

"I'm detecting the same chemical signatures in your body as when you spoke about Liz Allen a couple months ago. Is what you feel toward her similar to what you felt for Liz Allen?"

"No!" Peter denied, immediately, "I just–she's a friend! Why can't anyone understand that!?"

"Peter? You are aware that you are lying, yes?" Karen sounded amused as Peter released a puff of air and studied MJ's door.

"Yeah."

Shit.

♠️♠️♠️️  
A Couple Weeks Later...  
♠️♠️♠️️

"When's the kid get out, Happy?" Tony asked as he got off the phone with Pepper.

"Any minute now, sir."

Right on cue, the bell rang and kids poured out in droves.

"Ugh," Tony groaned, "It's like a sea of acne and puberty."

Up front, Happy gave a short chuckle.

A couple kids paused to gawk at the Audi parked in front of the school doors before going on their merry way.

Finally, as the last trickle of kids emerged from the building, Peter stepped out wearing one of his dorky science pun shirts and accompanied by his "guy-in-the-chair" and a girl with messy brown hair and a wrapped hand.

"She a new friend of his?" Tony asked.

"Something like that," Happy hummed.

Tony raised an eyebrow at his driver's tone and peered out the window in time to see Peter's expression go soft at something the girl had said.

He said something as well and the girl raised a slow eyebrow while his friend face-palmed himself.

Even from the distance, they were parked from the school, Tony could see Peter stuttering out what was probably supposed to be an explanation. 

Judging by the girl's amused expression and his dark-haired friend banging his head against the outside of the school walls, it wasn't going well.

"Let's help him out, Happy," Tony said and mimicked sounding the horn.

Happy did as instructed and Peter almost jumped a foot in the air.

The kid quickly located the source of the sound and stammered out what seemed to be a farewell as he ran down the school steps, tripping on the last two with un-Spider-Man-like agility.

"Hey, Happy! How–Mr. Stark?"

"Close your mouth, kid. You'll get flies."

Peter's gaped mouth closed shut before giving him a confused smile as he closed the car door.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Stark?"

"What? I can't check up on my favorite intern without a valid reason?"

"Umm, aren't I your only intern?"

"Details." Tony said with a wave of his hand, "Let's blow this popsicle stand, shall we? Happy?"

His driver/bodyguard started the engine and pulled out of the school parking lot.

Tony didn't at all miss the way Peter's eyes tracked the girl with the wrapped wrist through the car window.

"So," he said, drawing the kid's attention back to him, "You hungry?"

"Uh, a little," Peter admitted.

"Knew it." Tony said, smirking at the kid a little, "You enhanced individuals have a metabolism that burns through anything. Aunt Hottie been feeding you enough?"

Peter frowned disapprovingly at the nickname before answering.

"Yeah. She has."

"Good."  
"Umm, Mr. Stark? What–?"

"Hey, Happy, you know that little coffee shop off of 5th Avenue? Drop us off there."

"Yes, sir."

"Umm, Mr. Stark?"

"Yeah, kid?"

Peter chewed his bottom lip, uncertainty fluttering through his eyes.

"Nothing."

Tony eyed the teen over his screen.

" _Right_ ," he said, slowly, "Well, here we are."

Happy held the door open for them and they stepped out.

Tony placed a hand on Peter's shoulder and steered him into a small shop that smelled of coffee and vanilla.

At the moment there weren't many people present and the two sat in a closed-off booth near the back.

"Anything looks good?" Tony asked as he flipped through the menu.

Peter nodded, albeit a little too fast.

He looked nervous. _Really_ nervous.

"So, how was school?"

"Good," Peter said, again a little too fast.   
Before Tony could say anything else Peter began to ramble.

"I got an A on a Chem Exam and passed the lab assignment Ned and I was partnered to do. I also helped the Band set up the stadiums for tonight's game because—you know—I felt bad for quitting and everything. I also attended Decathlon practice and–"

"Peter." Tony interrupted and the teen's mouth closed abruptly.

Peter looked up fearfully and Tony sighed.

"Kid," he began, rubbing at his forehead, "What are you doing?"

"Please don't take the suit, Mr. Stark!"  
Peter suddenly exclaimed.

Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Why would I do that?"

Peter continued as if he hadn't heard him.

"I swear it was just a scratch. I didn't even get it while fighting. I misstepped and fell into a dumpster with lots of cats. Angry cats."

"Peter–"

"Ask Karen! She could totally vouch for me; even show you the video feed!"

"Peter, Peter, Peter," Tony said, interrupting his nervous rambling, "I'm not here to take the suit."

Peter frowned, looking so confused it was almost comical.

"You...aren't?"

"No! The suit is yours, kid. I promise I won't ever take it away." Tony thought over his words and quickly amended, "Unless I have a valid reason to do so."

Peter still looked confused, tapping his fingers against the clothed table.

"Then...what are you _doing here_?

Tony raised an eyebrow at him.

"I already told you: I'm here to spend time with my favorite intern."

Peter still looked unconvinced and Tony sighed.

He pulled off his glasses so that the kid could meet his eyes.

"Listen, Peter. I have become... _invested_ , for lack of a better word, in whatever... this is," He explained, gesturing between the two of them, "Meaning, I'm not always going to be the bearer of bad news or recruiting you for secret missions, which, by the way, was really bad planning on my part."

Peter opened his mouth, most likely to disagree, and Tony raised a hand.

"Just wait a minute. I wanna get to know you. Not just as Spider-Man but as Peter Parker. Understood?"

Peter nodded looking both excited and starstruck at the same time.

"Good," Tony said, sliding his glasses back on, "That being said, what's up with that girl I saw you with?"

Peter started so hard that he knocked a glass over the table.  
He caught it before it hit the floor and Tony looked around quickly to make sure no one noticed.

"Well?" Tony persisted.

"Well, nothing," Peter replied, "MJ and I are just...friends."

Tony heard the disappointment behind those words clearly.

"But you want to be more," Tony stated.

Peter blushed but didn't deny the claim.

"Lucky for you, I used to be quite the ladies man back in my day."

Peter gave him an incredulous look and Tony couldn't hold back his laugh.

"So, all I have to do...is act like you?"  
Peter asked and Tony scoffed.

"Me? No, no, no! Just specific aspects of me. Not the whole enchilada."

"Okay." Peter said, slowly, "Like...?"

"You need to be smooth. And confident. A little humor wouldn't hurt. Not to mention a couple billion to fall back on."

"Seriously?"

"What? No, of course not! Just be yourself. Isn't that what's all the rage is these days?"

"Mr. Stark," Peter whined, "Nobody wants that!"

Tony raised an eyebrow at him and held up a finger as a waiter approached them.

After ordering, Tony turned his attention back to the kid in front of him.

"Sorry, run that by me again?"

"It's not like I'm ever really ' _myself_ ', anyway," he put air quotes around the word.

" _Ahh_. You're talking about your other persona." Tony realized.

Peter nodded, slouching in his seat.  
"Everything that makes me cool is a secret."

"Well, not everything," The inventor said, rolling his eyes, "You're pretty smart on your own. Funny too."

Peter shrugged, but his eyes brightened the tiniest bit at the compliment.

The waitress came by and set down an espresso in front of Tony and tea for Peter.

As soon as she left, Peter dove into his sandwich while Tony drank from his coffee.

"So, what's really up?" He asked when the teen had slowed down some.

Peter shrugged, pouring sugar packet after sugar packet into his drink.

"Kid," Tony joked, "If I didn't know it was genetically impossible, I'd be worried about you gaining weight."

Peter smiled at that, ripping open another packet.

"Seriously, though. Cool it on the sugar. You're hyper enough as it is."

Peter sighed but did as he was told.

"MJ would never go out with me." Peter suddenly said, "I'm just...me."

"Yeesh," Tony muttered, "We've really got to work on your self-esteem, kid."

Peter laughed softly. "Yeah."

"And?" Tony asked.

The teen frowned at him. "And what?"

"There's obviously something else bothering you. So spill it."

Peter chewed his lip.

"Well?" The inventor pressed.

"The...the last girl I liked turned out to be the daughter of...a really bad guy."

"Toomes," Tony said.

Peter looked briefly surprised but nodded.

"Kid, the chances of that ever happening again is practically next to none," Tony reassured.

"Yeah, I know it's just–" Peter suddenly looked upset, "I ruined her life, Mr. Stark. She had to move because of me. I don't want to hurt someone else I care about."

Tony sat back and tapped his fingers against the table studying the kid in front of him.

"Peter," he began slowly, "What happened... wasn't your fault. If anything it was Toomes fault for getting involved in something as dangerous as he did. Look at me, Pete."

Peter looked up from his sandwich.

"You did nothing wrong, okay?"

Despite looking a little unconvinced, he nodded slowly.

"Good," Tony said, "Now you are going to go up to that girl, MJ, and ask her out. Tomorrow."

"B-but I can't!" Peter exclaimed, voice going an octave higher.

"Sure you can," Tony insisted, "And you will. Now tell me about this girl. What's up with her wrist?"

Peter smiled dreamily.

"She sprained her wrist punching a mugger in the face."

" _Charming_. What else?"

Tony spent the rest of the afternoon with Peter, helping him perfect his dating techniques, review his calculus homework, and discuss weekly debriefing.  
(The fact that all three of topics were in the same sentence, really showed how messed up Peter's life was.)

~

The next day, while in his lab, a dazed Peter came through the elevator.

"She said, yes," Peter said, sitting on a stool across from Tony.

"What did I tell you?" Tony smirked, looking up from his work, "Where are you taking her?"

"I found this antique bookstore awhile ago on patrol. Do you think she'd like it?"

Tony opened his mouth to answer.

"Or is it too nerdy? Oh, my gosh. It's too nerdy, isn't? Maybe I should reschedule or re-plan or–!"

"Peter!" 

The young superhero fell quiet.

"It sounds perfect, kid. She's going to love it."

Peter's smile was grateful.

"Thanks, Mr. Stark."

"No problem," he tapped his screwdriver against the table, "Now...the other day you mentioned a video of you being attacked by cats."

Peter blinked then turned bright red.  
"Uhh...I don't remember that,"

"But I do," Tony smirked, "F.R.I.D.A.Y, roll film."

"No!"

~

7\. Peter shows signs of a guilt-complex. Make sure to routinely reassure him and make sure he doesn't develop unhealthy coping mechanisms.

8\. Spider-Man is defenseless against cats. Relentless teasing is not only allowed, but encouraged.


	3. Stark Industries (Or Where Tony Compliments Ned's Hat)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned’s eyes grow impossibly big. “You ate _pizza_ with Iron Man? And you didn’t tell me?!”
> 
> “Ned,” Peter began.
> 
> “What’s his favorite kind? It’s barbecue, right? He seems to be a barbecue pizza, kind of guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!!!!  
> It's been awhile, right?  
> Infinity War has just come out, and watching the trailers makes me want to work on this fic again.  
> Have I mentioned how much I love Tom Holland's Spider-Man?
> 
> Anywho, no spoilers in the comments, please, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Stark Industries**

"Welcome to Stark Industries! Make sure to get your student issued ID after the security clearance."

Peter placed his phone, backpack, and apartment keys into a tray along with Ned's stuff.

“ _Dude!_ ” His best friend gushed, “This is _so_ cool!”

“Yeah, it's _awesome_!” Peter agreed, unable to contain his own excitement.

For as much time as he spent in the tower lab with Tony, he'd never actually been _inside_ of Stark Industries.   
The experience was as new and exciting to him as it was for Ned.

“Clear.” The security guard announced, waving them through the glass door.

Peter and Ned collected their things from the tray and stepped inside the main floor.

“ _Dude!_ ” Ned exclaimed, turning around in a full circle, “I mean– _Dude!_ ”

“I know!” Peter grinned as he took in the sleek and innovative interior that was Stark Industries.

As expected, the Stark logo was everywhere.   
Strangely enough, though, it surprisingly lacked the extravagance that Peter had come to associate with Tony.

Scientists, engineers, and inventors bustled around with company-approved StarkPads and lab coats, no doubt creating the next big thing in tech, while businessmen in suits walked into what must have been conference rooms.

“I need everyone to stay close and be _very_ careful not to touch anything. Do that and everything will be just _perfect!_ ” The tour guide chirped, “Now, follow me to the Timeline Room where we'll discuss the history of Stark Industries.”

It took a few tries, but Peter finally managed to tug Ned away from a hologram of the upcoming StarkWatch. The two of them followed their classmates and tour guide down a hallway.

In the Timeline Room, 3D images of Howard Stark flitted around; showing him working on different projects throughout the years.   
Peter even caught a glimpse of Captain America’s shield.

“Stark Industries was founded by Howard Stark in 1939. He developed many...”

Peter found himself tuning the tour guide out as he looked around the room, wondering how the images projected were so lifelike.

Light was definitely a key component. And maybe the walls as well. They looked a bit too glass-like to be good and proper.   
If Tony had somehow found a way to create a material that was programmed to emit light at different wavelengths and times then…

Peter's train of thought was cut off as someone roughly jostled him.

“Yo, Penis.”

Peter internally sighed because, yes, of course. Heaven forbid Flash left him alone for a day.

“Yes?” Peter whispered, not wanting to interrupt the tour guide.

“You think you could get a job here?”

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I be?”

“Well, you know. What with being Spider-Man's best friend and all–” —And _there_ it was— “–it might become a conflict of interest.”

Ever since homecoming, Flash had yet to stop bringing up Peter's “friendship” with Spider-Man. Personally, Peter thought that Flash was still salty about having his dad’s car destroyed.  
And Peter felt bad about that.

Mostly.

“Right,” Peter replied, hoping if he remained quiet that Flash would find him too uninteresting to bother.

“I mean,” Flash continued, “It's not like you're smart enough to work for Stark Industries, anyway.”

Peter could barely contain an amused snort. 

Flash and he both knew that he was one of the smartest kids at Midtown.   
He was obviously running out of material if he was resorting to a battle of intelligence.

Unfortunately, Ned, _bless his poor, stupid heart_ , heard the insult and stepped forward.

“What are you talking about, Flash? Peter's smarter than anyone here. Especially you!”

“Oh, is that so?” Flash asked, smiling now that someone had taken the bait.

“Ned.” Peter whispered, “It's fine, just chil–”

“I'll have you know that Peter is Tony Stark's intern!”

“ _Ned!_ ” Peter exclaimed, forgetting his inside voice.

The tour guide faltered and sent them all a glare, before continuing.   
The rest of their classmates, unfortunately, were no longer paying attention to her, but to the three of them.

It took Flash a second to regain his bearings and then he was laughing.

“Really, man? I mean, first with the Spider-Man and now _this_? Tony Stark's personal intern?”

“No!” Peter insisted, “I mean, I do have an internship with Stark Industries. It’s just—” 

“Oh?” Flash interrupted with a grin, “What are you his assistant?”

“No, I just see him sometimes. He comes around...where I work...sometimes.”

“Right,” Flash said, eyes rolling.

“No, really!” Ned replied, heatedly, “Peter’s super-tight with Mr. Stark. He's a her–”

“Helper!” Peter interjected, sending Ned his _please, shut up_ glare, “I'm a helper. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Before Flash could reply, the tour guide cleared her throat and motioned toward the door.

“Let’s go see some of Mr. Stark's latest inventions, hm?”

Flash walked past him with a snicker, purposely hitting his shoulder on the way out. 

 

“Dude!” Peter exclaimed to Ned at the back of the line, “What the heck?”

“Sorry!” Ned replied, “I panicked.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” Peter said dryly.

“But Flash has been bothering you forever. If you can’t brag about, you know, your _other job_ , the least you can do is brag about working with Tony Stark.”

“And say what, Ned? That we work on the spider suit in Mr. Stark’s personal lab and afterward, have pizza?”

Ned’s eyes grow impossibly big. “You ate _pizza_ with Iron Man? And you didn’t tell me?!”

“Ned,” Peter began.

“What’s his favorite kind? It’s barbecue, right? He seems to be a barbecue pizza, kind of guy.” 

Peter absently tuned his friend out as he studied a hologram of Stark Tower and the arc reactor powering it.

He wondered if Tony would explain it to him if he asked. He probably would.

Ever since their conversation two weeks ago about Tony becoming “invested” in their relationship, the inventor did seem to be more interested in getting to know Peter.  
It was kinda nice, having an adult other than Aunt May or his teachers become interested in his well being.

The rest of the tour, Peter answered oddly-specific questions about Tony from Ned and ignored childish jabs from Flash.  
It wasn’t until Ned cut himself off while asking what Tony smelled like that Peter realized that everyone had fallen silent. 

He looked away from an old model of the Iron Man suit and saw what everyone else was silently freaking out about.

Tony Stark was currently descending down a flight of stairs, surrounded by two bodyguards and a couple scientists with clipboards.  
The billionaire looked as suave as ever wearing a black sports jacket and a pair of red-tinted sunglasses.

“Honestly!” Tony was saying as he made his way down, “I’m not calling you guys idiots or whatever, but _obviously_ you need to be more thorough with your jobs. Those crossed wires? Could have blown this whole place up. Just, _boom_.”

He mimicked the explosion with his hands, almost hitting a bodyguard in the face.

“Poof. Done-zo. Be happy I was meeting with an investor today or else, Stark Industries would have been responsible for murdering a bunch of kids.” The last part was added when he finally took notice of the group of teenagers in the main room.

“What school is this?” Tony asked, turning to the receptionist.

“Midtown, sir.”

“Ahh, yes.” Tony said, briefly tapping out a rhythm on the receptionist’s desk, “Good ole’ Midtown. I actually have an intern there. True story.”

“No way!” Flash exclaimed, “ _Penis Parker_ is seriously your intern?”

Though his eyes were hidden, Peter could almost see the second Tony located Flash.

“What’s your name, kid?” His voice was even, but something akin to ice lined his words.

“Uh, Flash, sir.”

“Flash?” Tony repeated, “ _Yeesh_. Parents obviously weren’t thinking when they named you. Sounds like someone who wears trench coats and hangs out in alleyways, you know what I mean?”

The rest of the class laughed while Flash continued to stare. He seemed to have gone into shock.

“Peter! There you are!” Tony greeted, obnoxiously calm despite having singled out Peter in the midst of his classmates, “How’s it going, kiddo?”

Everyone's eyes were on him in an instant.

“Um, good. You?”

“Great, thanks for asking!” Tony grinned, “You didn't tell me you were having a school trip today. Otherwise, I would have given you all special passes or complimentary mugs or something.”

“It's...um,” Peter cleared his throat, “It's cool. Everything's great. As is.”

Flash’s mouth was hanging open and if Peter wasn't melting under the gaze of his classmates right now, he would have laughed.

“Right, well. See you this afternoon, then. Close your mouth, Flash.”

Tony walked past with his entourage of bodyguards and scientists, pausing to stop and point at Ned.

“Fred, right? Nice hat.”

With that, Tony Stark had exited the building.   
Almost immediately, his classmates were chattering excitedly among themselves and Flash’s face had turned a brilliant red.

“Dude!” Ned breathed, hands reverently touching his hat, “What the heck!?”

“I don’t even know,” Peter said.

Compared to that brief moment, the rest of the tour was quite uneventful.

Flash spent the rest of the trip avoiding Peter, and Ned was complimented more than once on his hat. 

“Man, Tony Stark is the _best!_ ” Ned said once on the bus.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed, “He really is.”

 

~

**Tony Stark’s Lab**

 

“You know you didn’t have to do that,” Peter suddenly said and Tony looked up from the motherboard he was working on.

“Do what?” he asked.

“You know,” Peter twirled a screwdriver around deft fingers, “Acknowledge me and Ned in front of all those people.”

“Ned? That’s his name? Huh.”

“Think you’d remember the name of the kid who hacked your multi-million dollar suit.” Peter teased and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Beginner’s Luck. And besides, it was a nice hat.”

“Yeah? And making fun of Flash, like that?”

Tony snorted. “Kids with a name like that are _asking_ to be made fun of. Seriously. Don’t tell me you didn’t absolutely _love_ that look on his face.”

Peter gave a blissed-out sigh. “Yeah. It was awesome.”

Tony spread his arms. “See? I’m an _amazing_ mentor. And a super responsible adult.”

“Sure,” Peter said, but he was grinning brightly and Tony made himself look away before he caught himself smiling, as well.

Peter had that effect on people.

“Hand me those wire cutters, would you?”

Peter walked them over and remained perched on the work table while Tony worked.

“Hey, Peter?”

“Yeah, Mr. Stark?”

“First of all, it’s Tony. I’m not that old. And second, that kid always bother you?” 

“Who, Flash?”

“Mhmm.”

“Sometimes. But I handle it.”

Tony looked up at Peter who promptly flushed, “Not like that. Not with the suit or anything, though I have considered it.” 

“But?” Tony pressed.

“But,” Peter continued, “It would be wrong to use Spider-Man for something so petty.”

“Good. That’s...good. Just if you can’t handle it, tell your aunt or Happy or something, kay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Peter gave him a strange look and Tony quickly changed the subject.

“So, what do you think of SI?”

Peter’s eyes lit up and the rest of the afternoon was spent discussing the science behind the Timeline room and the arc reactor that powered Stark Towers.

“You have a future at SI, kid. You know that?” Tony asked later when they were in the kitchen for a pizza break.

“Well, it’s either you guys or Oscorp.”

The hand that was moving a slice of pizza into Tony’s mouth immediately froze.

“You’re kidding...right?”

“What? Yeah, totally.”

“Peeeeeeter.”

“ _What?_ It’s a joke!”

~

9\. Peter apparently deals with normal teenage problems like bullying. Check up on this every once in awhile.

10\. Peter has a terrible sense of humor

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and nice comments are welcome!!


End file.
